3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
