dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
