You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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