Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
