I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
