Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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