some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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