you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
