happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
