So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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