I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're like the curious george of whores
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
