ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
