K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
