You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
