"it" just moved
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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