Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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