If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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