yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
