none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Randomize
