I'm so fucking centered right now
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
