Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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