The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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