Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
