You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
