I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
