Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
