Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
