Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
