drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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