"it" just moved
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
