I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
