wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
