I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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