Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
