my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
my poor anus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
