He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
