I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
