no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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