dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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