some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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