It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
