shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
