Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
