How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
