do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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