she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
