I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You may now shotgun with the bride
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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