I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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