I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
