I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
