3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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