You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
