I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
